Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
