dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
