Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
