As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
