Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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