Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
