i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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