he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
