she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
