just tell him i said nine months
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
