I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
