I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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