oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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