the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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