What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
