man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
