My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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