he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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