yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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