I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
