please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
