the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
