never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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