is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
