I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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