I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
