When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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