Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
