I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
