I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I just sharted jello shots
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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