I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
