the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
