Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
