I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
