Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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