This girl is more easily done than said...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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