I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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