I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
