i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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