i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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