Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
