this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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