The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
