We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
