I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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