The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's rum buckets o'clock
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
