hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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