Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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