Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
