you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
