i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
