Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
