better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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