He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need to calm my uterus...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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