do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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