Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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