I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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