that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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