If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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