Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
