And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
