I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
