the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
