There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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