I think my fart just growled at me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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