He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
