whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
