I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
