i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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