I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
