my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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