so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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