yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
