he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
